mikeFEST!!!™ XXVIII 2010 classified

Dear friends of mikeFEST!!!™:

Due to reasons of international security, the mikeFEST!!!™ XXVIII 2010 archives have yet to be released for public consumption. The archives will be made available as they are declassified in accordance with the Freedom of Information Act. This information is available only to those with appropriate clearance. Thank you for your understanding.

not again? what happened? anybody?

The end of mF 2009 is a bit of a blur. I think someone slipped me a mickey.

 

This might jar my memory...

sunday madness

Poker in the Park was a huge success (I won ten bucks), despite the fact that I didn’t specify which park the poker was in and the google map showed it somewhere in Ireland, of all places. Texas Chris was on a winning streak: chicken day, primogeniture, and CZK 1000 at the poker. Damien came in second with a fair chunk of change followed by me in third, getting away with a symbolic pittance.

Thanks to Chris for organizing, Johnny, Greg, Jason and Bad Jeff for losing, Curtis for dealing and Scott for bringing the chips (and losing).

The Georgian Roast featured performances from both Rodney Dangerfield and Don Rickles, a PowerPoint presentation, some pretty funny speeches, a telegram from Denver, embarrassing baby pictures and a cutout cake (one of many) from my childhood:

Thanks to my mother, Mary and Martha for putting it all together and to Steve Sachoff for telling those people to shut the hell up.

karaoke

My apologies for the delay, but I’m usually pretty busy during mikeFEST!™ and this current mikeFEST!™ has been particularly demanding. Let’s see what I remember and please feel free to fill in the gaps:

In keeping with mikeFEST!™ tradition, karaoke had a slow start. In fact, the owner wanted to ‘storno’ the event somehow early on, in favor of playing the same Robbie Williams song over and over again, which is what he’d been doing anyway. But we fought for our right to party:

and when the ball got rolling there was no stopping us:

The place filled up, we sang until the wee hours got fat and the owner was ecstatic. Even Mary, who hates both mikeFEST!™ and karaoke managed to have a great time. Too bad the bar will probably only last another month as they will now inevitably raise their beer prices and actually expect us to go back. Which we probably won’t, but that’s just another tradition. Breaking with tradition, however, I managed to get Andrew’s book safely home for the first time in twelve years. Nice not have to go out and buy it the day after.

Thanks to Jiffy and Steve for organizing/working/singing/drinking and to Sue for the cupcakes. Really fun/tasty respectively.

dos de mayo

Chicken Day was a hoot! And a mess:

Congratulations to Chris Guilds of Texas for ‘best savory chicken’, taking the prize from last year’s winner, Jiffy, who proceeded to impress us with his ‘drunken seal imitation’:

The first day of mikeFEST!™ continued on to Újezd (the old Borat') and then to Bukanýr until the wee hours of the morning. Tonight is karaoke at Placebo near IPs and tomorrow ‘Poker in the Park’ hosted by this year’s chicken winner, Texas Chris. Be there at 14h sharp for registration.

Please make sure to visit the blog (speaking to the choir, now) and schedule easily accessible from http://www.xeno.cz/ for news and updates. The Facebook page is here if you use that sort of thing.

I got this rather Infrequently Asked Question yesterday at the Chicken Day. Here is my response:

The reason I put that ‘silly’ trademark at the end of mikeFEST!™ is due to the fact, smartass, that the world is full of people constantly trying to steal my dreams! Beware of imposters! Accept no substitutes!

Or you could wind up at http://mikefest.com/ a sort of ‘anti-mikeFEST!’ (not yet trademarked, if someone’s interested) which promises: “Fellowship, Fun, Food, Four Wheelers, Friends [sic(k)]” but at what price? This from their website:

"This is a Christian family day. No swearing. No smoking. No alcoholic beverages or illegal drugs may be carried onto or consumed on the property. No person under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or any illegal substances that may hinder thinking ability or reaction time will be permitted access to the property. Also, no firearms or weapons are permitted while on the property.”

You also have to wear a helmet ‘at all times’, apparently, ‘ON THE PROPERTY’. What the hell for? This from their guestbook:

Joanna Mohnkern said: November 18th, 2008 2:48 am
MikeFest is the best thing since horses were made.[endquote]

With ‘no running water’ and a ‘Sorry all I have is an Outhouse’ I can think of better things ‘since horses were made.’

Thanks, but no thanks. My lawyers will be in touch.

Other offenders are not so flagrant, much more on brand and are therefore tolerated, and, as we’ll see in this year’s mikeFEST!™, even encouraged. After all, imitation is the highest form of flattery:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQXocuX-rKs

Can’t wait for the DVD!

This next ‘mikefest’ is a 40 year old metal promoter from a place called ‘Middle Island’, New York. Huh. He could have been me, the original mike in mikeFEST!™ but he’s not:

http://www.nonelouder.com/profile/Mike90

And this next one is almost swooning with the true spirit of mikeFEST!™. This from the April 29 blog entry: “When you get right down to it, when MikeFest decides to play - it's a good day all around”

I couldn’t agree more. Spot on brand. Good work:

http://360voice.gamerdna.com/blog.asp?tag=MikeFest

So to honor some of the knock-offs this year, we’re offering Greg’s GEEKfest™ (that’s right, beat you to it) covering two full days of mikeFEST!™: Tuesday&Wednesday, Mikes 5&6 respectively. For ‘MikeFest’ - the above gamer’s imaginary friend, we have an all-night LAN party at Battlezone @Myslíkova 23, featuring UT, GTA, among other hip-sounding letter combinations. For the metalhead, we have a games night with Slovak metal at Troll, just after we shoot weapons without helmets while under the influence in honor of the friendly fellowship over at mikefest.com.

And when we’re done at GEEKfest™, we’ll have this mikefest to clean up the mess:
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/mikefest-09-vacuuming-101-pt2/1139802343
“with a vacuum suficient to do the job.”

the story of mikeFEST!™

Those of you living under a rock for last 27 years may be wondering, “What the darn-tootin’ is this mikeFEST!™ all about anyways, see?” (or however people who live under a rock talk), but at least you will have heard of it. And, of course, there are some others, who may celebrate mikeFEST!™ every May, but don’t reckon the history or follow the traditions. For you, for both of you, this is the story of mikeFEST!™:

‘Twas the night before mikeFEST!™ sometime between Canada finally gaining its independence from Britain and the Malvinas losing theirs yet again in what was considered an even swap at the time. But Alexander Haig had yet to resign, the Commodore 64 was about to come out and Epcot would open in the fall. And while still buried mid-April in over two feet of snow that year in upstate New York and in the middle of a recession almost as bad as the current one, there was a sparkle of hope to light the way and melt the ice. There was mikeFEST!™ The year was 1982.

All my Jewish friends (and all my friends were Jewish) were having their various mitzvahs and what 13 year old gentile wouldn’t covet the opportunity to have a huge party, get tons of presents (mostly in cash and check), hook up with a distant cousin, and network a well-paid career while still in junior high – all in exchange for a few lines of Hebrew. I was jealous, I felt left out and I wasn’t going to take it sitting down. Or was I?

mikeFEST!™ is an unexpected oasis between the Easter and summer holidays, a time when students are supposed to be preparing for finals and looking for summer jobs. mikeFEST!™ is the perfect excuse not to study or look for a job. It’s a celebration of procrastination – a vacation to life. A sit-down (with beer in hand) protest against arbitrary self-imposed responsibility. Pretty much anything can wait until after mikeFEST!™ and usually has to.

mikeFEST!™ took its time gaining momentum through junior and senior high, mostly revolving around a few non-events in varying degree of shenanigan and general hangings-out, while peppering the banter with references to ‘mikeFEST!™’. But the concept really took off in college, thanks in large part to (now Dr.) Tom Parker and Jason Epstein for strangely taking it seriously. Since then, it’s seemed to have followed me everywhere: France, Spain, Russia (майкФЕСТ!™), Germany, and the Czech Republic, current headquarters of mikeFEST!™, where it’s been fested since 1992. mikeFEST!™ is now celebrated in over 30 countries in 19 different languages.

Some answers to frequently asked questions (from people living under rocks):

mikeFEST!™ takes place from May 1 to May 12 (inclusive). In many markets, however, mikeFEST!™ (unofficially) begins on April 30, also known as mikeFEST! Eve™, Walpurgisnacht or Čarodějnice.

Yes, good question. You participate in mikeFEST!™ entirely at your own risk.

Not exactly. mikeFEST!™ is flexible, but doesn’t like surprises - although changes to the schedule can be frequent.

Sadly, no. No one has ever hosted mikeFEST!™ twice. What a dumb question.

It’s an ‘oblate spheroid’, actually, and revolves around the... you might want to come out for a second. It’s easier to show you.

If you have any other questions about mikeFEST!™ please direct them to the person on either side of you or dial a random number - if they indeed have people or phones under your rock.

But here’s something maybe you wouldn’t know and lord knows I’ve seen my share of mikeFEST!™s and the rule of thumb is this: the tougher the times, the better the mikeFEST!™. So now we have the swine flu, a worse and worsening recession, cancer, whatever. It’s our time, our moment. It’s mikeFEST!™. Let’s make it the best mikeFEST!™ ever! Together, we can.

See you at Chicken Day!

mike the mike in mikeFEST!™

http://www.xeno.cz/ home, where you can find both:
http://xeno.cz/calendar.html the (ever-incomplete) schedule (also below)
http://mikefest.blogspot.com/ and the blog (you're already here, silly) and on facebook.

what happened? anybody?

Well it’s been almost a year since the date above this post (yeah, you can do that) and I can’t really remember how it ended. Martha’s was fun, I remember that. I think Keith got killed or killed somebody or something with a candlestick in the library. And after that... I don’t know. Someone musta slipped me a Mickey. How did mikeFEST!™ end last year? Anybody?

Maybe reposting last year’s timeless podcast will jar your memories. Johnny hasn’t done a new one just yet and this one’s still good. If you remember anything from last year, please comment on this post.

PS. To ensure that this doesn’t happen again, all event organizers are required to submit an official summary of their event along with all relevant publishable collateral (photos, bandages, outrageous bills, etc.) by 17h the day following their respective event.

third base

Poker in the Park was a lot of fun for the whole family with a friendly game of hold ‘em. The musical backdrop was Czech metal, as opposed to the expected reggae – not much of an improvement. We played (poker, not metal) well into the evening and I only lost CZK 100 – which went to a great cause: Johnny’s pocket. Here’s the master at work:

Tonight: Murder Mystery (and huge party) @Marf’s 8SHARP! I’m looking forward to my role as a Mexican farmhand with a non- alcoholic screwdriver. Details below.

Tomorrow! Saturday @15h - park Parukářka live music and djs. After party at Cross or Buz.

Sunday: I’m thinking the Zoo Boat at 12:30 with a picnic on the boat or at Troja. Followed by a trip to the zoo and/or botanical gardens and then Stromovka. Whaddya think?

poker! poker! poker!

Mecca was jam-packed last night with people from another planet or at least another generation. I felt like a chaperone at a poorly-organized, poorly-dressed high school prom. The 'best of 80's and 90's hits' downstairs was actually a selection of the worst (read: most embarrassing) music of my misspent youth - misspent only in terms of having had to listen to that crap the first time around. But what do you expect for free? The pre-party at John & Manders was the highlight of the evening.

We wound up at Zero sometime after 3, which was actually a much better time in both senses. Better music, better people, well, at least a lot less of them. All in all, it was still a very enjoyable night/morning out and the motley crue I went out with was fantastic!

DNES! Poker-in-the-Park. Registration begins in less than an hour - already over-promoted throughout the blog. Unfortunately, there is a marijuana legalization non-benefit free concert as well today in the beer garden - unfortunate due to expected longer beer lines and an exclusively reggae backdrop to poker. But we shall overcome.

ZITRA! Murder Mystery @Martha's at 20h sharp! Make sure you RSVP - details below.

As always,
Happy mikeFEST!™
-mike

mecca tonight!

Thanks to everyone who came to karaoke last night! It was a blast! SRO! And I don't mean limited liability company. Special mikeFEST!™ hat tips to Steve of http://karaokeaddicts.com/ for setting up and running the show, Jiffy for MCing and Lana for taking pictures like this one:

Don't forget: TONIGHT: Wednesday, May 7 @mecca before midnight for DJs KUBA SOULCHECK and DJ LAFAYETTE; Second stage: DJ BLOCH - the best of 80’s a 90’s hits. Pre-party @john&manders 21:30.

And tomorrow, Thursday, we play poker in the park @14h to commemorate the end of WWII.

But this (not) just in (actually yesterday) from one of Friday night's organizers:

Everyone EXPECTS someone to get murdered during mikeFEST!™ and yet somehow, despite myriad grudges, plentiful booze, and readily available sharp objects, no one ever does!

Until this year, that is... On Friday evening, sometime before 8 p.m., the first-ever mikeFEST!™ murder will take place at Martha's house. We will round up the suspects, but we need you all (and especially YOU) to help us solve the crime.

So throw on your deerstalker hat, grab your magnifying glass and something to drink, and join us:

WHEN: Friday, May 9, 2008, 8:00 PM

WHERE: Na Dolinach 9 (NAME ON BUZZER: SULLIVAN) Podoli, Prague 4

PLEASE RSVP Martha by THURSDAY evening: (+420) 603 324 498. We need to know you're coming and that you will be there by 8! [Note to suspects: you know who you are.]

the long-awaited updated schedule

Thanks to everyone who came to the Roxy last night last-minute. Please let me know if it was as great a time as promised, as I didn’t make it. I was busy knocking out some kinks in the upcoming program... which is, as follows:

day
6 tuesday (today! heute! dnes!): karaoke @updull ibn carculcah (known by most as Troll) from 18:30 until 22h sharps! Vojtěšská 209/2, Nové Město, Praha 1 – off Myslíkova next to Pilsner sign.

7 wednesday: @mecca quarter to midnight (or thereabouts) for DJ KUBA SOULCHECK and resident DJ LAFAYETTE; Second stage: DJ BLOCH - the best of 80’s a 90’s hits. Pre-party @john&manders 21:30.

8 thursday: poker in the park @the one and only proper park – the Riegrovy Sady beer garden: tournament-style texas hold’em, hosted by texas chris begins at 14:30 with pre-registration @14h sharp! CZK 200 buy-in for fabulous prizes! Fish gulled, lulled, dulled and bribed with free beer offer! I was just told to post this from one of the organizers (corrected for spelling and copyright infringement):

• 1st annual mikeFEST!™ Texas Hold'em Tournament!
• CZK 200 buy-in, deep-stack freezeout (1000 chips)
• Blinds increase every 20min
• 1st, 2nd and 3rd place prizes
• Prizes can/will consist of a gift and/or money.
• Pre-registration via email: cguilds[AT]gmail.com is encouraged so we know how much to spend on the prizes.
• Venue: Riegrovy Sady Beer Garden
• Welcome pivo or drink upon check-in/registration at the venue
• Registration at 2pm, tournament starts at 2:30

9 friday: magical murder mystery tour with mary & martha: some sort of surprise thing that I overheard them talking about at the barbecue. First rule of mikeFEST!™: 'no surprises [period]'. Hope to have more through the swinging kitchen door three's company-style second-hand hearsay info soon.

I’ll fill in the missing (past couple) days in a bit, in that admittedly sneaky backdating way that I have, before I forget them completely. I do feel the need, however, to thank Senator Obama for his endorsement on Saturday and, I have to say, the feeling's mutual:

Hope to see you all tonight at karaoke. I can’t think of a better place than the dwarvish, dervish dungeons of troll bar to spend a rainy evening singing.

As always, Happy mikeFEST!™
-mike

free monday

Vrat's Czech movie night was cancelled due to logistical issues and potentially inclement weather. So, instead, we're off to Free Mondays (ye olde schoole) at the Roxy http://klub.roxy.cz/ for a band neither of us have ever heard of: http://www.thefaketapes.com/ and djs that we have also never heard of. Hope to see you there, it's practically guaranteed to be a fantastic time!

tangled up in rain

Blue Collar Friday in my courtyard was a fantastic time despite the track suit, monsoon and deviant dogs. We wound up downstairs at Erra afterward for more lively conversation, carrot soups and crèpes.

Usually I'm in Madrid this time of year for mikeFEST!™ and the Fiestas del Dos de Mayo in the Plaza del Dos de Mayo that coincide with the second of May, of all dates, but due to my current physical and legal condition am not allowed to leave the country. Here's what happened last year when I didn't go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJs9656yZJk

Here's what happened on May 3, 1808 when I didn't go:

The party at O2 was also great, but I should leave that for the next post. Here's a picture of the victor on Chicken Day:

photo courtesy of Pavel Butorin

PF MF 08

Happy mikeFEST!™ 2008, everybody! Sorry I've been late in posting the schedule, but we've had some last-minute changes. Here’s the line up for this weekend. Please feel free and encouraged to comment and make suggestions as to how to make this year’s mikeFEST!™ the best mikeFEST!™ ever:

day:
1 thursday: chicken day from 14h on Petřin Hill - I arrived around 18h after chemo - congrats to Jiffy who won the chicken prize! A great turnout and a great time!

2 friday: blue collar friday drinks in my courtyard from 17h @Tingl Tangl: Karolíny světlé 12, Prague 1

3 saturday: on the roof @O2 (the public toilets) bar http://www2.o2bar.cz/ for poker, drinks, and general disarray from 15h & downstairs from 21h for KLSTRFK djs, johnny cheapshot and assbot4000

4 sunday: bbq @Keith&Michael's, Korunní 42, next to Dobrá Trafika from 15h. Please bring beer, booze, and/or non-alcoholic beverages. Food also welcome!

"Ask not what mikeFEST!™ can do for you, but what you can do for mikeFEST!™ " -mike